I am playing golf tomorrow.
You see, I’m not currently working despite my various applications to a variety of local businesses. I’m also a qualified teacher and available for casual work, but teachers only really start getting sick at about week 3 of term. It’s the combined shock of returning to a new classroom you didn’t get time to setup last year, new staff you haven’t yet met but are expected to work with, the new paperwork, the new IT system that’s not yet up and running properly, not to mention the children, and the fact that you’ve made close to a thousand split second decisions and changes to your morning classroom routine and it’s not even 11am!
Sorry… Where was I? Right, casual work. There’s none…yet.
So I am playing golf tomorrow as I haven’t played in over a year.
But my guy is whispering in my ear. We’ve all got a guy, right? You know, THE guy, the ‘are you sure’ guy. Well mine really became apparent once I was diagnosed with CRPS, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. My guy’s main question or comment is along the lines of ‘Really? Will you now?’.
I will clean the bathroom, then vacuum the carpets today, and still be awake at 9pm. ‘Really? I look forward to seeing that’.
I’m going to work a casual teaching day, then grab a coffee with friends, and walk the short distance home. ‘Really, don’t you think that’s a bit much?’.
Today’s not a great day, but I’m going to walk around the shopping centre with my wife to buy… ‘Walk? Really? With or without your walking stick? How many breaks will you need? How many “You’re too young to be in this much pain” comments from shop assistants can you take? How will you…”
It’s the doubt creeping in that makes me question whether I can do something I love, WHEN I want to do it. Everyday, there is an element of disappointment. Everyday there is something I wanted to do but couldn’t in the end. Or wouldn’t because that would be borrowing a spoon from tomorrow (look up spoon theory if you’re confused). I wanted to sweep the floors today, but after I’d already washed my bike, organised some stuff in the garage, cleaned the bathroom, and made my lunch; that was me done for the day. I’ve gotten a second wind after my afternoon sleep and here I am using it to write this.
I don’t want to write a ‘stay positive’ or ‘look at the bright side’ blog. Nor do I want to write a ‘my life is so hard’ blog. Because, we all already know all that stuff. Life sucks sometimes, and other times it’s awesome. I’m just hoping you see my social media full of crappy selfies and wannabe artistic photos of golf balls tomorrow.
Josh.
Send me your ‘I had an awesome day’ photos to thatchronicpainguy@gmail.com
Photo by Sherwood CC
ThatChronicPainGuy 
The spoon theory is good, isn’t it? Never borrow spoons is my learning from life! Not unless ABSOLUTELY necessary! While I don’t have pain now, the energy levels are still very limited, so I am very careful of my spoons!
LikeLike
Yeah, I love it. When I first read it years ago I sent it to my wife and said ‘This is me’. She’s very visual and this made complete sense to her about my pain and lack of energy. She finally understood. I do like the updated version someone wrote about where they likened it to a video game where you’re on expert mode with half health level. No matter how many health packs and food you get, you’re still only on half health.
LikeLike
That’s good too. ☺ Getting my thyroid whacked has helped, still finding out to exactly what degree, but definitely an improvement!
LikeLike